Our guest post is from Michaela Clark from Decluttering You

 

Separation, Divorce and sorting out a family law settlement, can be huge life altering events for two people to experience but when there are children involved, it can be an overwhelmingly tumultuous time for the whole family. Getting on the same page with your ex-partner and working together to create a family plan is going to make the transition much smoother for everyone.

Emotions may be high during these kinds of discussions at the start of a separation or divorce but if you approach it as an ongoing experiment that can be flexible to allow for change rather than a strict protocol, it will be easier to continue to have open lines of communication with your ex about what is working and what is not.

So my number one tip is to:

Tip 1: Stay flexible and allow for plans for change

As your children grow and their schedules grow along with them your plans and strategies may need to be tweaked. Your circumstances or your ex’s may change also. So if you are flexible with everyone else’s need for change, they will most likely be more open to allow the schedule to change to cater to your needs as well. Remember you are still a team and family is all about working together.

Also, acknowledge that your children are going through a lot of change so keeping things like bedtimes and dinner times the same may help them keep a sense of stability. Alternatively you may need to establish new routines as the old ones may simply not suit anymore. Or perhaps your children wish to feel more in control of their daily routine so there may be an opportunity there for you to allow them to choose their own dinner and bedtimes.

It’s also important to give everyone time to adjust and review what’s working and what’s not. Each week, sit down with your children and give them time and space to speak to you about how the new schedule is working out for them and allow them to make suggestions of how it could be improved.

Tip 2: Have a set of clothes and toys at each parent’s house and create a rule that the child’s possessions are free to travel with them

This is an important step to ensuring your children feel empowered in light of the big changes that are happening in their lives. By allowing clothing and toys to move from house to house with your child rather than having specific clothes and toys that must stay at each house, the child feels like they own their possessions rather than the parent. They may have a special toy that comforts them or an item of clothing that gives them a boost in confidence when they need it. They should be able to choose to use these items when they need to.

Tip 3: Use a shared calendar or an app that links to each other’s phones for sharing appointments, caretaking arrangements, rosters and important family dates

There are some wonderful apps to assist you in creating your visitation schedule such as Google, iCal or Time Tree which can be shared via email or phones. There are also apps that are tailor made for co-parenting some are Our Family Wizard, Our Children and 2 Houses. These apps enable you to share report cards, photos, special moments, family finances, medical information and to do lists. You can also find resources to assist you through the family law and divorce process, you can chat with your ex via these apps and journal your activities with the children.

By keeping the other parent up-to-date with photos or a journal of the children’s visit with you they will feel more connected to the children and will be able to chat with them about what you did together. Then they will be more likely to involve you in the same way. By ensuring your children remain connected to both parents you are modelling respectful and inclusive behaviours to them which is beneficial for everyone.

Kids also love to be involved in organising their time schedule so if possible, find a physical calendar such as these Smart Calendars from Smart Calendars 4 U. That enable you to allocate a row for each family member so you can easily see what activities are on each day for each person. You can even highlight the days that the child is with you or your partner so the children can easily see this and plan ahead regardless of their age.

Tip 4: Create a weekly menu plan, shop online and try make lunches ahead of time

Your time as a single parent is now tighter than ever so by being super organised especially with meal planning, you will be able to spend less time shopping, prepping and cooking and more special time with your kids. The meals will also be much healthier and your budget will be much lighter.

 

 

 

 

 

Tip 5: Label everything

There’s nothing worse than not knowing where your child’s favourite toy or piece of clothing is. By labelling everything you are ensuring that all items will be returned to your children if they lose them at school or at sport etc. So they should be able to find the item either at your house or your ex’s rather than having items spread out all over the place. Also be careful labelling things to say which house the item must be returned to. It may inadvertently bring your children into conflicts between you and their other parent.

Tip 6: Create weekly plans for household jobs for the children to help out

Of course household chores are a given for children of a certain age but it’s also important to communicate with your ex about what chores are being done at each house so as to not overwhelm your children or be too lax on them either.

Tip 7: Make sure to schedule some time out for yourself!

This is absolutely crucial for all parents but especially those who are going through a separation, divorce or family law case. Make sure you make time out for yourself. Reach out to old friends, take up old hobbies or try out new ones. This is your time to redefine who you are, so relax into it and enjoy it!

No one has ever said that separation or working through a family law case is easy, but by following these simple steps you can be sure that this transition is much smoother for you and your family.

Remember to be kind to yourself at this time and really tune into what is working for you and what isn’t and don’t be afraid to communicate that openly and honestly with the rest of your family. No one’s needs are greater than other family members. You and your children’s other parent may be separated, but you are all still a family team.

Michaela Clark from Decluttering You is helping overwhelmed parents simplify the everyday juggle. Her blog is a wealth of knowledge and provides organising and productivity tips to help you get 10% more organised and get back 2 hours back in your day.